Mornings
by anon33125
Summary: Yamato and Kakashi as friends, maybe more than friends, but also just exploring their characters a little more. Especially Yamato. Also musings about Kakashi and his mask and his Icha Icha fetish... All characters owned by Kishimoto
1. Chapter 1

Kakashi sighed as he pulled himself out of bed. He flipped the light on and made his way to the bathroom, absently rubbing the crick from the back of his neck as he did so. Another morning, another day, one more down. He stood in front of the mirror, just looking at himself, once again unsatisfied with what he saw. Uncontrollable silver hair, long wiry muscles but not thick enough skin to make them actually look strong, an otherwise lean and tall body, and then the face. His father's face, his mother's face. Somehow, he had them both. Between the hair and the eyes, he was often mistaken for his legendary father, which was honestly alright by him despite the memories associated with the White Fang's suicide. It was the part of his face he kept hidden that bothered him the most. A finely shaped nose, supple but thin lips, long jaw line, all emphasized by a notably delicate structure. The hidden lower half of his face easily softened the hardness he often kept in his eyes. He didn't keep the mask on to hide it from the world so much as to hide it from himself.

_Your face just doesn't match your personality_. A memorable line from one of the only people he actually considered a close, necessary friend upon seeing him without a mask for the first time. Yamato couldn't have been more right. His gentle, sensitive features were a stark contrast to his aloof, often icy personality. Might as well keep them separate, it just made life easier.

With another sigh Kakashi pushed himself away from leaning on the sink and started the shower, deciding on scalding hot water this morning rather than icy cold. Hot water was distracting enough to get his mind out of whatever depression he happened to be falling into. Cold water was for when he felt like punishing his arrogant younger self, as that temperature seemed to encourage deeper thought. Kakashi rarely ever took comfortable showers.

He rubbed the scars on the inside of his wrists as he finished undressing. Most of the time he didn't really notice or care about those cut scars hidden from the world by his fingerless gloves, but when he did it was often a subconscious sign that his mental state would take a turn for the worse. It made him start questioning the "what ifs" about that day. What if Gai (another of the necessary friends) hadn't found him? What if he had died? Wouldn't that have been for the better? Or what if he'd just woken up alone, weakened from the blood loss but the alcohol having been absorbed enough by his system to let him think straight again? Would he still be with ANBU? Would he have tried it again?

_Definitely scalding water this morning_, he thought, _I've got to shake this before heading out to train, Yamato and those kids are too damn observant. _

Yamato's morning had a specific routine. He was, after all, a pretty routine oriented-guy. His alarm went off at 6am, he pushed off the covers, put his feet on the small rug beside the bed (directly where his feet would land every morning), stood up, turned around, made the bed, turned off the alarm then took his neatly folded clothes for the day from his top dresser drawer (where he stacked and lined them up after he finished laundry every week), and went to the bathroom to take his shower.

He never bothered to look at himself in the bathroom mirror, nothing ever really changed, so why concern himself with it. He turned on the water, lukewarm as he hated the extreme temperatures, and proceeded to take 10 minutes under the running water to sufficiently wake himself up and feel clean for the day. As a shinobi, especially ex-ANBU, he felt that daily showering was an absolute necessity to feel even the tiniest bit hygienic. Showers in the evening also tended to happen, but he often let those run longer, closer to 30 or 40 minutes to account for getting blood and dirt off.

After the morning shower, he dried off and dressed quickly, and then went to picking up anything that had fallen on the floor or cleaning anything he might have missed the day before while eating or something. His apartment did have a tendency to be described as "suspiciously clean." He made himself some eggs and toast, ate them, and cleaned his dishes immediately after finishing. No coffee this morning as he hadn't had any alcohol last night. He checked his two weapons pouches, tied them on, and left his apartment, locking the door and slipping the key back under the mat as he left.


	2. Chapter 2: Training

Chapter 2: Training

Naruto ran to greet Sakura and Sai, who were already talking quietly together by the trees surrounding the training grounds.

"Oi, Sakura-chan! Sai!" He shouted, still loudly even as he neared them. "Any idea what Captain Yamato and Kakashi-sensei have in mind for our training today?"

"I think Captain Yamato mentioned something about sparring-" Sakura was cut off as Naruto leaped and shouted.

"Alright! I've been looking for a chance to beat your super-strength, Sakura-chan! I've been practicing for this!"

Sai smiled, "It'll be a fun exercise for me to find the pieces of your body scattered throughout the training grounds once Sakura's punch has shredded you, Naruto-kun."

Naruto momentarily shut up and looked both reproachful and confused at Sai, while Sakura snickered behind her hand.

"Looks like you've finally got a handle of your patience training, Naruto. Keeping that mouth closed for so long must be a difficult task, I'm impressed." Yamato came into view, clearly understanding and grateful that he had come in just as the blond ninja's excitement had taken a pause.

Naruto and Sai argued for a while longer about whether Naruto could beat Sakura in a sparring match while Yamato made himself comfortable sitting against his favorite tree (a wide hornbeam maple). Sakura sat near enough to have a conversation, but not so close that it was uncomfortable for either of them.

"Can we start today's training with you instead of waiting for Kakashi-sensei?" She asked quietly, careful not to let Naruto hear her question, knowing that he would pounce on the idea immediately, regardless of whether Yamato had a good reason for waiting.

"I would say yes," he started, "but he seemed distracted when we talked last night and never actually gave me a definitive answer of how we'd be training today."

"I understand," Sakura said, sighing inwardly. "I just wish he'd be on time when he tells us to show up. I could have been working with Tsunade-sama, or gotten the books I keep meaning to find in the library."

"Trust me, I know how you're feeling, but we just have to be patient with him. He doesn't always do this on purpose, I do think that most days he _intends _to be on time." Yamato's voice was somehow gentle and frustrated at the same time.

"Why does he keep doing it then? To give all of us patience training? It's really unprofessional, despite the fact that he's a legendary shinobi."

"Well, I would say that those are things you should ask him yourself, but he would never give you an honest answer. So, all I'm going to say is that he gets trapped in his own head quite a bit, lost living in the past or wishing for the past, and then the present just gets kind of pushed aside until something so, well, big comes along that it forces him out of the past." Yamato stopped, seeing Sakura attempt to comprehend what he said. He could see she was lost and didn't get it. He really didn't either. So, he laughed to lighten the load a little, "Once you spend three weeks on a surveillance mission alone with him as your partner, you'll understand better. Understand him better. The tardiness is a part of that."

She returned his laugh, "You spent three weeks on a surveillance mission with him?! That must have been rough!"

"Ha! You could say that, it was definitely enlightening to say the least, but he has been possibly my closest friend as well as senpai since then." That was the truth, that mission was near the beginning of his ANBU years, and he and Kakashi had found themselves spending increasingly more time together after that mission ended. It was an odd combination, but somehow the two of them really worked together for a while, as comrades and supportive friends (at least as supportive as two emotionally wrecked and distant young adults could be). Then _that_ incident happened…. Yamato shook himself to stop his mind from going there, and joined Sakura's gaze back towards Sai and Naruto who were now discussing something from one of the Sai's books about friendship.

"Yo" came a familiar disinterested greeting.

_Speak of the devil, _thought Yamato.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto had seen the poof of smoke and was now running towards the trees. The greeting was soon followed by a boatload of questions about the training for that day.

"Easy Naruto, it's going to be very taxing work," said Kakashi lightly.

"Well, what is it?" seemed to be the general idea behind the questions that came from the young shinobi at exactly the same time.

"I've hidden three scrolls which contain each individuals' objectives for the training. Each of you has to find one scroll and achieve those objectives while you all work together to find Pakkun, who is in hiding with a scroll that you need to return to me unscathed. Captain Yamato will keep an eye on the nine-tails' chakra, I will observe all you and I will know who does not achieve their objectives. Understood?"

Sakura and Sai nodded, while Naruto had another question.

"So, no fighting? Just tracking to find Pakkun? This training is so lame! You've gotten even lazier, Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura's fist hit Naruto over the head.

"You don't even know what's in the objective scrolls, we might still have to fight each other or accomplish training goals specific to someone else! All sensei said was that we have to achieve the objectives, it's not going to be _that_ easy, you idiot!"

"Right as usual, Sakura, there is much more to your individual instructions than simply to work together and find Pakkun." Kakashi said, sounding rather tired despite it still being early in the day. Yamato caught on to the tone quickly, normally Kakashi sounded bored; sounding tired was another story. He waited until the three young shinobi disappeared through the training grounds before confronting him.

"Did something happen this morning?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," replied Kakashi, flipping open a familiar brilliantly orange book.

Yamato sighed lightly, but otherwise let it go, he might have been reading too much into that tone; maybe Kakashi just hadn't slept well the night before, he did have a history with nightmares, most shinobi do. Yamato leaned more heavily against his maple and looked up toward the sky, but still careful to have a figurative eye on the nine-tails' chakra. Kakashi took a seat on the ground near him and seemed to have his attention trained on his book.

"You haven't turned the page, Senpai," Yamato softly accused, "deny it all you want, something is bothering you."

Kakashi sighed and snapped the book shut, obviously the pretense wasn't working for this man who knew him so well.

"I didn't deny that something was bothering me," he clarified sarcastically. "I just denied that anything had happened this morning, which, as I said, nothing did."

"Fine." Yamato was used to the sarcasm, as well as his beating around the bush. Talking to Kakashi about anything unrelated to missions was often harder than talking to a tree.

"Just not interested in reading Icha Icha today then? Want a comic? There's nothing suggestive, but I think they're still pretty entertaining."

Kakashi just shot him a warning look. Yamato decided to ignore it.

"How about _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_? Oh wait, if you think about it the right way that one's really dirty. Hmm, so is _The Poky Little Puppy_… I guess every book is about sex when you put your mind to it. I'm sure you could even find the innuendo in mission briefings. Get it? Imagine going to Tsunade-sama's office to be de-briefed and she actually–"

"Is there something you want, Tenzo?" Kakashi cut his sentence off with a snap. Less because he was worried about Tsunade-sama's reputation and more because he knew how raunchy Yamato could get when he was trying to get under Kakashi's skin.

"I guess I can find _Rainbow Fish_ then, it'll attempt to teach you a lesson about _sharing_," he continued seemingly without really answering Kakashi's question until he emphasized the last word and met Kakashi's uncovered eye directly.

"That is a story about playing nice so you can have friends, I don't see how it's relevant here."

"It's also about how sharing both physical objects as well as feelings and experiences make you feel better."

There was silence for a few minutes as they stared at each other. A shout from Naruto in the distance caused them both to jump a little and look towards it. Yamato quickly reach out with his senses to make sure the nine-tails was still secure. It was, Naruto probably just got hit by Sakura again.

"Why should I 'feel better'?" Kakashi's response was so quiet, Yamato would have missed it if a breeze had blown by.

_Shit_,_ he's back in _that_ place, _thought Yamato. _That_ place was a bad place. It was the place that had led to _that_ incident, the one Yamato made himself stop thinking about just a few hours earlier. Maybe it was just that time of year. He sighed and carefully moved closer to Kakashi. The copy ninja didn't make any attempt to move away or discourage the interaction, so Yamato went for a direct approach. He moved to sit on his knees immediately in front of Kakashi, put his hand on the other man's knees, and shoved his own face into Kakashi's line of vision.

"Because you're an incredible person who's training the man that is going to be the hero of this village for many years to come. You can't give up on Naruto. Or Sakura. Or even Sai now, for that matter. You always say it yourself that their generation has to surpass us; how are they ever going to surpass you if you don't teach them how?"

"I never said anything about giving up on them. Why should anyone care about how I feel otherwise?" Angst-y Kakashi wasn't his best look, but it was his safe fallback since it got most people out of his face. _Most_ people, the person currently in his face, however, took that as an invitation to move closer and plant a kiss on the only part of his face that wasn't covered in mask.

"You're a better teacher when you feel good on the inside. Plus, you distract me when you get all depressed like this and then I can't concentrate, which leads to a whole host of other problems I can list for you, if you want, but I know you just want me to shut up and move out of your face so you can wallow or something. That's not happening though, Senpai, unless you want me to go tell Gai that you're dying to continue your rivalry battles with a sit-spin competition."

"You wouldn't," said Kakashi, looking up with, Yamato noted, a certain spirit back in that eye.

"You know I would," Yamato responded. He did draw back from being so close in Kakashi's face though, and resumed a position with his back against the tree. The two were noticeably closer together now though, as their shoulders barely touched. Kakashi never would have admitted it, but that touch made all the difference in the world.


	3. Chapter 3: Rooftops

Chapter 3: Rooftops

Yamato hadn't left him alone the entire day. Not that Kakashi was complaining exactly, it just, well, made him feel like a wounded puppy. Team 7's training had gone well, they had all gone to Ichiraku for a late ramen lunch after which the three youngsters had dispersed. Kakashi and Yamato successfully avoided two potential rivalry challenges from Gai, one unprecedented run-in with Tsunade, and almost got hit with a stray farmer's cart that had come detached from its mule before deciding it would be better to just spend the remainder of the afternoon on the roof of the library.

The roof of the library was one of Kakashi's favorite spots in the village. It had the best view of the village, being one of the tallest buildings, and rarely anyone came up here since it was technically off-limits (too many books had been thrown off it in mere frustration). There was also the distinct advantage of it being the library, so tea could be made inside and brought out; many wonderful books could be found inside and brought out, etc. Kakashi had a fondness for a multitude of books that did not solely include Icha Icha Paradise or other novels of similar nature. There were some librarians who suspected that the man had probably read more books that the library contained than even they had.

Yamato had also grown a particular attachment to the library roof. No one ever looked for him up here; the breezes reached them so much better and were somehow much more cooling on hot days; plus there was the fact that whenever he was up on the library roof, Kakashi had a tendency to be there as well.

"Do you ever get sick of reading Icha Icha, Senpai?" Yamato asked, yawning, but breaking their comfortable silence.

"Hmm?" Kakashi seemed to not be actually reading it, but more pulled out of his musings by Yamato's question.

"Well, you always read them on missions and while training, and you've done so for at least as long as I've known you, so that's almost 10 years of reading the same, what five books over and over again?"

"I don't really pay attention to them anymore. They're like chatter, brain chatter. Like how people talk and you listen, but you're not really listening? It's just enough to keep your mind from wandering in the wrong direction. So, I guess, no, I don't really get sick of them."

"Huh"

"Can't say I've ever honestly been turned on by any of them either."

Yamato sat up and looked at his senpai, slightly shocked that he was so blunt about it.

"Oh come on, I know that was your next question," Kakashi laughed.

"You never cease to surprise me," sighed Yamato rolling his neck to let the tension release from his shoulders, then standing to stretch his whole body.

"Going somewhere?" the copy ninja eyed his friend's standing and stretching as though he were about to leave.

"It's getting dark, so we should probably get going. I hate jumping down from here without going through the library and I'm sure they're closing soon."

Kakashi chuckled. "Aren't cats supposed to love jumping from tall buildings? Always landing on their feet? Nine lives?"

"Last time I checked I was definitely human, not feline." He was not biting at Kakashi's reference to his ANBU codename and mask reference as he knew from experience that would lead to some long-past argument or other.

Yamato walked to the door in the floor and yanked it open, holding it as Kakashi took his time to stand, stretch, stow away his book, and finally saunter over.


	4. Chapter 4: Dinner and Books

Chapter 4: Dinner and Books

"As much as I adore being followed like an escapee mental patient, you really don't have to keep so close. I'm not going to _do _anything." Kakashi's tone was an even mixture of amusement, sarcasm, frustration, and honesty.

"What if I just happen to enjoy spending time with you, Senpai?" Yamato asked. He did actually have a nice afternoon and evening with Kakashi. He often felt as though, no matter how many years had gone by, he would never truly get a hold of the complex monsters that were social interactions. That happened to be a common trend among former ANBU Root members. Kakashi happened to be the only person Yamato knew he couldn't offend simply by being silent or blunt or otherwise 'inappropriate' as determined by those who were raised in love surrounded by family, friends, and/or dreams. He'd never dreamed as a child, he hadn't even understood the concept for years. Once he'd learned about Kakashi's past as well, he knew that his friend hadn't ever really dreamed either. He felt there was some connection between that and the way the two comfortable around each other in ways that even friends like Shikamaru and Chouji weren't.

"Well," Kakashi's voice jolted Yamato out of his musings. "I'm going home, you can come if you want. Might as well invite you in so I don't hurt you when you come check on me in the wee hours of the morning." Yamato blushed a little, he _had_ been planning on setting his alarm for 1am to make sure Kakashi was actually sleeping; his depression often got worse when he wasn't sleeping.

"Do you admit that you won't be sleeping tonight?" May as well ask if he should plan on pulling an all-nighter as well.

"You need rest to keep up with Naruto. I promise I will sleep." Genuine concern followed by unadulterated sarcasm, pure Kakashi response.

They had arrived at Kakashi's apartment building by now and the silver-haired man was watching the mokuton user for a response. Yamato considered his options. He could go home and sleep in his own bed in his own perfectly orderly apartment, but knew he would wake up way too early anyway worrying. He sighed, Kakashi did have a comfortable couch, and he didn't snore. He liked his routines, but the man in front of him was an important person and as much as Kakashi would never admit it, Yamato knew that sometimes just his presence was appreciated.

"You owe me dinner for paying at Ichiraku," was all the brunette said in response.

Yamato genuinely liked Kakashi's apartment. The man had lived there since his promotion to ANBU captain, so despite its owner claiming to be an unattached sort of person, the place had a significant home-y feel.

The first thing one noticed upon entering was the bookshelves. There were hundreds of them, they lined the walls, and most of them were filled. Yamato had been surprised on his first entrance there that only one single shelf near the door was dedicated to Icha Icha Paradise books. After spending some time in that apartment with Kakashi though, Yamato had become more shocked that outside of these walls Kakashi seemed so dedicated to the books. He'd never seen Kakashi even glance at them once he stepped through the door. The rest of the shelves were somewhat organized by the size of the volumes, smaller books on higher shelves, larger tomes on bottom shelves. The subjects ranged from world-wide literature classics to philosophy to guides on strategy to psychology to ethics to drama, and so forth. And all of them were most definitely highly qualified as Grade A mental distraction.

Once one got over the pure amount of books in the small space, one would realize that the space wasn't actually all too small. There was enough room for the most comfortable couch Yamato had ever sat on, complete with a soft, rumpled blanket at the foot and a couple fluffy pillows that had been stacked together on the opposite end. There was a worn-looking chair, which often held a coat, a shirt, or Kakashi's jounin vest and some pieces of empty parchment or unused scrolls. A cupboard held a small television with a few movies on the shelf underneath, but looked sadly unused gathering dust. A desk was set up in the corner by the window, a large book in a foreign language lying open next to a smaller language dictionary and a half-written-on scroll where Yamato could make out some translation notes. Kakashi might be considered a genius because of his impeccable ninja skills, but Yamato knew that there was much more genius to the man than just that.

Upon entering the apartment, both men removed their sandals and jounin vests. Kakashi's landed on the chair, while Yamato hung his up on the relatively empty coat rack. The silver haired man walked into the kitchen (where Yamato saw the toppling-over pile of clean dishes in the drying rack, apparently Kakashi's sink had recently reached its full line…) and Yamato turned away to grab the book he'd started on his last visit. It was probably the thinnest, smallest book that Kakashi owned, specifically why he had chosen that one when the other man had invited him to read and he hadn't wanted to be rude by refusing. The book, _Of Mice and Men_, had actually piqued Yamato's interest and he'd re-read the few chapters he made it through to be sure he hadn't missed anything. Now he was intrigued enough to continue it while Kakashi cooked.

Kakashi's cooking tended to be quite basic, but well done. Within about 20 minutes, the two sat on the mat by Kakashi's low table and were eating a delicious dinner of rice, miso soup, and a spicy sort of salad.

"This is _good_. I forget that you actually know how to cook." Yamato said, Kakashi's miso rivalled that of a lot of the fancier restaurants in the village. Both men also happened to share a taste for spicy food, so the salad was a much welcome fire on Yamato's tongue.

"Thanks, I think that was a compliment there somewhere," Kakashi shot a small half smirk/half genuine smile across the table. Yamato was amazed, as he often was, how much expression was hidden by Kakashi's mask. When they ate together like this, Kakashi let the mask stay down rather than eating quickly to keep the features hidden. The masklessness made Yamato much more apt to get lost in just watching the expressions change on Kakashi's face. He could see the hint of a dimple on the man's right cheek with a genuine smile, the scrunch of his nose with a sarcastic smirk, and the natural curve of his lips when he was thinking.

_ The man would be so much less confusing of a person if he didn't wear that mask,_ Yamato thought, a smirk blooming on his own face. _He probably gets too much joy out of keeping people guessing though to consider the idea._

"Thinking of ways to steal my mask again, Tenzo?" Damn if that man couldn't read Yamato's mind.

"Nope, just wondering how long you could keep your students off you if you let them see the real smirk under there." Also true, Yamato had wondered that often and knew the young shinobi were dying to see what was so horribly disfiguring that their sensei had to hide most of his face. The thing was, though, that Kakashi wasn't disfigured; he was actually quite remarkably beautiful. Yamato also knew that his senpai couldn't allow himself to be beautiful because somehow that would mean actually facing himself. Which Yamato could most definitely understand wanting to hide from, seeing as he did that to himself more often than not. No way was he confronting his superior about that, despite their close friendship, there were some lines he didn't dare cross.

"Yeah, they would be a nightmare. I pulled it down to show them a second mask one time though, that was hilarious. You would have gotten a kick out of it," Kakashi laughed as he remembered back to the three innocent genin trying to see his true face.

"A second mask?! They must have been ready to kill you!" Yamato joined in Kakashi's laughter, thinking of Sakura's anger and Naruto's dumbfoundedness.

Still thinking about Kakashi's mask, Yamato put away the leftovers, washed the dishes, and put away the toppling pile of clean dishes he'd seen earlier. Kakashi perused his bookshelves, every so often picking up a book, flipping through a few pages, considering it, then ultimately placing it back on the shelf.

Yamato finished the dishes and settled back at the foot of the couch with his novella, he knew better than to rush Kakashi in choosing his evening entertainment. Finally Kakashi settled on one of the thicker, worn books that had the look of being well-read several times, _Anna Karenina_. He sat at the opposite end of the couch, getting comfortable with the stacked pillows against his back and stretching his long legs the length of the couch until his toes rested near Yamato's thigh.

Yamato looked up from his book and said nothing, but raised an eyebrow toward Kakashi. Kakashi's feet were well taken care of, so he wasn't offended by them or anything, it was just, well…. Kakashi had already absorbed himself in his book, so Yamato's eyebrow-question did no good. The brunette balled up the blanket he'd folded earlier and shifted so that his position mirrored Kakashi's, letting his own legs rest against the copy ninja's until _his _toes grazed Kakashi's thighs. This time it was Yamato's turn to focus on his book as he felt Kakashi's pointed gaze and eyebrow raise.

"I'm going to fall asleep soon anyway, figured I'd get comfortable," Yamato explained with a sigh when he could practically feel Kakashi's eye burning into him. The other man seemed to accept this and, keeping their positions, both men turned their focus back to their books.

Yamato fell asleep within the hour. Kakashi gingerly stood up and got another blanket from his bedroom, draping it over the sleeping man with a little smile playing on his lips.

"Thanks for spending time with me today, Tenzo. Maybe I just enjoy your company too." Kakashi pressed his lips gently to Yamato's forehead, careful not to wake him, and went back to his place on the couch. The warmth of Yamato's legs pressed close to his own, as well as the steady rhythm of his breathing, soon lulled Kakashi into sleep himself.


	5. Chapter 5: Dreaming

Chapter 5: Dreaming

_It was a normal day, just like any other for the ANBU captain. Training in the field, scattered Cumulus clouds roaming an otherwise blue sky, it was a beautiful day. He had just returned from a successful solo mission and was expecting his kohai to show up to continue training any minute. The captain couldn't help but smile at the thought of how quickly that open-faced teen with the over-expressive eyes had wormed his way into Kakashi's lonely, barricaded heart. It was as he was thinking this that Genma, another member of his team, found him looking hassled and frantic, not his usual playful demeanor at all. Kakashi was immediately on alert. _

_ "What happened?" He asked quickly. _

_ "Kakashi-san, Konoha was attacked! It was while you were gone, the Stone must have found out that we decided to assist Sand primarily in their disagreements. It wasn't a large battle, they just sent a few shinobi they could spare to leave an impact with us about how unhappy they were with our decision."_

_ "Who's hurt?" The attack was definitely bad news, but that alone wouldn't have worked Genma up to this point. _

_ Genma paused at this and took a deep breath, he knew this next part was not going to be easy for his captain to hear. _

_ "Tenzo happened to be at the initial attack point. That alone probably kept the attack from being worse than it was. He took three of them out, but the fourth hid and got him pretty good. He's at the hospital. Raido and Yugao are with him now. The medics are doing everything they can."_

_ Kakashi sank to the ground wordlessly, only one word chanting in his mind. _No. No. No. No. NO.

_ Machines beeped out the young mokuton shinobi's heartbeat as the rest of Team Ro sat or stood in silence. _

_ "He was pretty badass," murmured Yugao, "taking out the three of them before they even knew what hit them. I got there just a second too late." She rubbed a tear out of her eyes, while Hayate squeezed her shoulder gently. _

_ "It wasn't your fault," he said gently, always the voice of reason, Hayate was. "Kid's a fighter, he'll be fine." The second part he said louder to let penetrate throughout the quiet room. Tenzo had to be fine, he may have been the youngest of the group, but he was somehow the light in all the darkness of their missions. No matter how many assassinations he did, there was something about that big-eyed innocence that made him seem more like an angel than a demon. An angel couldn't leave those who needed him. _

_ The room seemed to be watching their captain as much as they watched the unconscious body. Kakashi hadn't left the chair closest to the bed, two of his hands gripping tightly to one of the young shinobi's. The team knew how important this boy was to their captain, even if the captain himself wouldn't see or admit it, and they all knew this was going to be hard. _

_ There was a gentle knock on the door as it opened and a nurse walked in. She seemed to hear the question in all of their eyes and decided to give them the full truth of what happened to their teammate. _

_ "His wrists are broken and shoulders dislocated, presumably to stop him from using mokuton. When he started to use it through his chest, his chakra circulation was squeezed at his heart. Not cut off directly, but the chakra channels were almost suffocated, which caused his chakra to backfire against his system. His heart and lungs took the brunt of it, since that's where he was forming his chakra. We have fixed the damage to the degree where it is not life-threatening, but he will take a significant recovery time."_

_ "Will he wake up?" No one knew who asked the question, but it didn't matter, they all would have. _

_ "We do not know," she said quietly, looking at the body, "he will have to make that decision himself. But, we do have reason to hope, his body has already started the mending process on his wrists and his heart is most definitely beating on its own, we're using the machine to track its strength and make sure the repair we did is holding."_

_ A relieved sigh made its way around the room, nurses never told guests to have hope if the situation looked incredibly dire. He was already healing himself, his body decided to live strong; they all knew, in their hearts, that his mind would soon follow and they would be looking into those dark almond eyes soon enough. _

_ He awoke a day later, and the day after that, he was sitting up on his own and asking all his visiting teammates for the latest gossip. The medics and his team had reason to believe he had made a full recovery. The chakra channels had only been squeezed, not cut off, so he would be able to remain a shinobi. As soon as this news was out, Team Ro decided on celebratory drinks in honor of their comrade. When Tenzo was out of the hospital, they would go another round, but for now they all needed this. _

_ Not long after the crew got to the bar, the whole place seemed to be in joy of Tenzo's sacrifice and recovery; even those who weren't in ANBU and knew very few details about the incident were drawn into the celebration. Except one person. One person who couldn't believe that he'd almost lost another one. And one man in green spandex and orange leg warmers who saw a certain ANBU captain down an entire bottle of sake on his own. _

Kakashi woke up at this point, sweating and shaking. He glanced at Yamato, who seemed to be lost, writhing in his own dream world. A night of past nightmares it seemed to be. The copy ninja stood up and wanted to run, needed to run, had to get away from seeing his kohai in that hospital bed again, get away from this feeling. He had recognized it immediately in the dream, and looked down at his wrists. He would do anything, _anything_, to stop that feeling. Like he was suffocating, like he was losing, like there was too much at stake, like his heart would stop beating from so much pure _emotion_. He drew in a shuddering breath, opened his window, and jumped out into the night.

_Tenzo could finally walk on his own again. His arms were in slings, his hands and wrists casted tightly, but his legs could move! He could still be a shinobi, still be in ANBU, and he had saved his village from a full-on attack! It could have been better, also could have been worse, he would take what he had and just be happy that his legs decided to hold him up. It was a cool morning, still dark, but the sun would be up shortly, and Tenzo didn't want to lay around in his bed for much longer. So, he carefully stood and went to his door. _

_ He could hear the commotion as soon as he left his hallway. Nurses running with bags of blood for transfusion, a medic shouting orders about blood type, detoxing his system, arranging a bed, contacting the therapist. Wait, therapist? That was a little weird. Tenzo forced himself to turn around, this wasn't any of his business; this was someone who apparently needed more than just medical help. Maybe he'd just witnessed a comrades death, maybe it'd been by his own hand (that would be more traumatic than Tenzo could ever imagine), maybe. _Stop, none of your business_, he scolded himself gently. He started to walk back to his room, letting the sounds grow quieter behind him. He glanced back just one more time, he couldn't help himself, and froze. His mouth dropped in horror and within seconds after the bed disappearing down a different hall, he was running. He had seen the stretcher, a mass of unruly silver hair, and accompanied by a quiet man in green spandex who Tenzo assumed had never been quiet in his life until that moment. _

_ He caught up to the rolling bed quickly and immediately registered that the patient was, indeed, Kakashi and he was unconscious. The only apparent injury was to his wrists, which were now wrapped in thick bandaging. _

_ "What happened?!" His voice came out half screeching and half in a croaky-whisper. The medics turned, not having noticed him there until his question. They stopped for a moment, struck by the pained and confused expression written plainly on the young shinobi's face. They looked forlornly at him and one of them even started to tear up. He got more frantic, they were treating this like he was about to die. Kakashi couldn't die! Not from some stupid cuts on his wrists! Not like this! He wasn't dying! What happened?! What was going on? The questions and exclamations tore out from his body in strangled gasps before Gai's arms were around him and carrying him away from the bed. The medics returned their full attention to Kakashi. Tenzo's gasps turned to sobs as the question kept coming. What happened? What's going on? What is wrong with Kakashi? _

_ Gai put Tenzo back down onto his bed and made him take deep, full breaths for a few minutes before talking. _

_ "Your lungs shouldn't have taken such an outburst, are you alright?" The big man was quiet and reserved, a most un-Gai response which worried Tenzo more. _

_ "What happened to Kakashi-senpai?" He asked this time, in control of his voice and ready to hear the explanation that would make this all make sense. _

_ Gai looked at the door, down at the floor, fiddled with Tenzo's sheets, anything but look the young man in the eyes._

_"He attempted suicide by cutting his wrists while he was drunk."_

_Tenzo felt himself fall backwards onto his pillows. His mind in blur, no coherent thoughts, no words, just hurt and sadness and a deep ache to be by his friend's side. He felt the tears stinging at his eyes again, this time not out of frustration. He made one word come out of his mouth, so quietly that Gai might have missed it had he been sitting any farther away. _

_"Why?"_

_"He's been falling into darkness again, getting cold, his eyes starting to look dead again. There has been rumor of another war starting and that Konoha may not be able to stay out of it. He lost everything, everyone in the last war. You had us all worried there, kid, from that run-in with the Stone. Kakashi didn't leave this chair until after you could sit up again. It's hard for him to feel that way. You're his friend, maybe his most important friend, you make his eyes light up." Gai stopped for a moment and sighed, "I promised his father a long time ago that I would always be his friend. Then his father committed suicide only a few weeks later. I always intend to keep that promise because Kakashi is a very important person to me. But he is a difficult person to be friends with. He took his father's suicide hard. He was only 7 years old."_

_Tenzo stopped breathing, he didn't know this, any of this. He knew his friend was hurting. He knew about Obito, Rin, and Minato. He didn't know that their deaths weren't the first ones to hit Kakashi. _

_"Now then, Young Tenzo," Gai was starting to get some of his energy back, "I'm off to our dear friend's bedside to see how youth is overpowering his drunken decision." Gai clapped his shoulder strongly, squeezed gently, and left the room, allowing Tenzo to deal with the whir of thoughts in his head. _

_As the sun finally rose and peeked out of the clouds, a nurse came in to check on the mokuton user. _

_"How do you feel this morning, Tenzo?" She asked gently, he noted dimly that she had been there in the dark of the morning. _

_"How is Kakashi?" He countered. _

_She hesitated, but seeing the determination in the young man's eyes, she knew she couldn't make him stay in his own bed. _

_"If you feel up to walking on your own, I'll take you to see him," she said trying to have no emotion. _

_"Of course I can walk," he mumbled, standing up. _

_"He is in a single room, I won't permit you to continue your hospital stay with him," she said as they walked. "He will be required to have daily meetings with a therapist while he's here and we don't need anyone witnessing that to make him feel more vulnerable." _

_Tenzo nodded as she pushed open the door they had arrived at. _

_He thought he was ready for this: that he could look at his friend the same way he always had. The man was exactly the same person, nothing changed. Except that it had. _

_Gai was asleep in a chair in the corner, a blanket tucked around him. Kakashi was just there, sitting in the bed, fingering the sheets, but even Tenzo could see that he was really just staring at the bandages on his wrists. He looked up as Tenzo finally stepped into the room. _

_"H-hey, Senpai," he managed to get out quietly, almost unsure of the words. _

_"Hey, kohai," came the response mirroring his tone. Tenzo lifted his eyes to meet Kakashi's and felt himself pulled to the bedside. He briefly considered taking the chair next to the bed, but somewhere, deep down, he knew that wasn't right. He sat on bed and leaned back against the headrest, right next to Kakashi. Neither spoke. The only sounds in the room were Gai's light snoring and the nurse closing the door as she left, she'd return for Tenzo before the therapist showed up. _

_"I'm sorry," the apology was soft, quiet, and completely sincere. _

_"Don't be sorry," Tenzo whispered back, feeling his eyes get wet again, "just don't do it again."_

_There was a pause. _

_"I don't think I will," Kakashi conceded. _

Yamato gasped awake. Head rushing as he tried to remember where he was, not in his bed or a hospital bed. _Kakashi_. He had fallen asleep on his couch. He looked around wildly and couldn't see silver hair.

"Kakashi-senpai!" He shouted, he probably wouldn't have been so distraught if he hadn't just woken up from dreaming about _that_ incident. He jumped off the couch as he saw the open window and called for the copy ninja again.

"Bedroom," came the slightly disgruntled response. Tenzo ran in and found Kakashi in nothing but a pair of sweatpants rubbing his hair dry with a towel.

"Don't _do _that, at least write a note and tape it to my forehead or something." He said, slightly angry, but mostly relieved that nothing had actually happened.

"You were dreaming about it too, then?" He asked the question casually enough, but Yamato could see the muscles in his back tighten uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Yamato sighed, "we don't have to talk about it."

"I went for a run, did a few laps around the village. Couldn't sit still."

"Do you _want_ to talk about it?"

"I can't lose you."

"I know."

A sigh escaped.

"It's terrifying and suffocating, but I really can't."

"I know."

"I hate it. I hate that it sounds like my life is your responsibility."

"I know."

"You shouldn't have to live because of me. You should live because of you."

"I do."

"Then why do you always come? Why do you always stay?"

"I love you."

Another sigh.

"Yeah, I know, but you shouldn't. I'm not worth this."

"Yes you are." Yamato pulled off his shirt and got into Kakashi's bed, arranging the pillows so that he could sit up a little.

"You're too good to me." It was sincere, not sarcastic.

"Yes." Yamato acknowledged. Kakashi crawled onto the bed next to him and settled himself onto his partner's chest.

"I love you too," he whispered it softly, a gentle acceptance in his voice, finally admitting it to himself.

"I know." _That makes it worth this_.


	6. Chapter 6: Morning

Chapter 6: Morning

Rays of sunlight glistened over the village, gently caressing all the buildings, flowing in through open windows, and radiating beds with heat.

Yamato woke up at 6am, as usual. The mess of silver hair on his chest, however, was not so usual. It brought a small smile to his face though. He may be a man who liked his routines, but sometimes they were worth being broken. Kakashi's face nuzzled at his chest, as if he were trying to get even closer to his kohai. Yeah, breaking his habits was definitely worth it. His smile widened as he let his fingers trace patterns over Kakashi's bare back. This was nice.

"We should do this more often," he mumbled, not entirely aware of having said it out loud.

"I like that idea, you're quite comfy despite being so hard," Kakashi sounded more awake than him. He raised an eyebrow at the man's description of him though.

"Hard, huh?"

Kakashi met his gaze with a suspicious twinkle in his eye.

"Interpret as you will." Yamato let out a laugh following that and gently rolled Kakashi off of him.

"I need to shower," he said, unwilling to break all of his routine in one go.

"Feeling dirty? We haven't even done anything," a playful pout from his senpai encouraged Yamato that he had slept well and was feeling differently today than yesterday.

"I didn't say you couldn't join me," suggested Yamato, the smile had only grown bigger.

The water was a comfortable temperature for both men and they took a bit longer than 10 minutes.

After drying off and getting dressed, Yamato did some cleaning while Kakashi made some eggs and toast. It was nice, a gentle morning regardless of the night before. Although, admittedly, there had been no nightmares on either man's part after they had fallen asleep again in each other's arms. Thinking that, Kakashi glanced at the man straightening out books in his living room.

"I know now isn't the best time, but I like having you here," he paused, not quite sure how to ask the question.

"I like to be here," was Yamato's response, with a gentle smile. He wouldn't answer the unasked question though. Even though Yamato had been ready for this since around the time Kakashi left ANBU, he refused to let their relationship change until Kakashi did. He couldn't handle his nightmare from the night before become a reality again and he was far too independent to feel like he was the _only_ person who could stop it from happening. Kakashi had to be able to voice the question, admit his own feelings, be willing to change, be willing to grow, believe that he deserved everything good that he had, and, most of all, Kakashi had to truly believe in that clichéd happily ever after. Yamato knew it would be practically impossible for the man, but that's why he gave him so much patience and so much time. Most of all, Yamato knew he couldn't just tell Kakashi this, the copy ninja had to figure it out on his own if it was really going to stick.

"Would you consider… moving… in… with me?" It was out, Kakashi looked as if he wasn't even breathing. While Yamato, in contrast, let out a whoosh of breath.

"Do you understand why I haven't yet?"

"I think I'm beginning to."

"Why?"

"Are you really going to make me say it?"

"Do you really want me to live with you? Wake up with you every morning? Fall asleep in each other's arms every night?"

"Yes!"

"Then yes, please explain it to me," he stopped at the obvious pain in Kakashi's eyes and the unnaturally tight grip on a plate that was going to crack any second. He moved over to his best friend and took said plate out of his hand to set it on the counter. "I'm not doing this to torture you, Kakashi-kun, I'm doing this because I really want to say yes, but I need to know that you're ready. _I_ need to know."

With that, Kakashi took a staggering breath, feeling Yamato's closeness despite the fact that they weren't touching.

"You need to trust me again. You lost it that night, too. I changed to you. You realized how … delicate… I was. Am." Kakashi took a minute to breathe deeply a few more times before continuing and his partner had to force himself not to move any closer. They both how difficult and significant this moment was. "Things are going to happen. They could be bad things and they could be good things, but everything won't always stay the same. Being in the same apartment would make me … that much more …. willing… to believe… that you would always be there for me. But if bad things…. were to happen… and you… weren't…. You would need to know that I could….. handle.. it." He stopped again, taking a little longer to feel like he had the breath to say the last part, the most important part. "And….. _I_ need to trust me… too."

This time when he stopped, Yamato let himself wrap the copy ninja tightly into his arms. He held him securely and close to his heart while he let Kakashi regain his breath and composure a bit.

"Yeah," he murmured into silver hair, "you pretty much hit the nail on the head."

After a few more minutes of gentle comforting, he asked tenderly.

"Are you ready?"

Kakashi thought back to the morning before, the day before. _Could_ he handle it if something were to happen to his kohai? Instantly he thought of Naruto. And Gai. Sakura and Sai. Shikamaru and Kurenai and Ino and Chouji. Tsunade-sama. Jiraiya-sama. Neji and Lee and that pig-tailed girl. Blushing Hinata and the dog-boy Kiba and that creepy helpful bug clan, what was the kid's name? Konohamaru and his sidekicks. Iruka and all those hopeful little academy brats….

"They're all family, this whole village. Somehow, I'm a part of it now," he sounded slightly shocked as he admitted it, and even more stunned as he realized something else. "They would all be there for me, if I asked. If I needed it."

Yamato smiled as he pulled Kakashi back in again for a kiss. Something else occurred to Kakashi though, and he was ashamed of himself for not thinking of it before.

"What if something were to happen to me? Would you be ok?"

Yamato's grin got, if anything, bigger.

"That's the question I've been waiting for you to ask." Kakashi looked stunned for a minute before remembering he did want an answer.

"Well?" he asked.

"No, I wouldn't be ok, at first. I would have lost my best friend, my lover, my partner, my senpai, but I would move on. I could never love anyone again as I've loved you, but you would forever be alive in my heart, in your students, in the compassion that leads a person to always fight for his comrades, in the legend of the Copy Ninja Kakashi. And I would know that you wouldn't have gone down without fighting to your very last breath for your family, here. And I would be proud. And I wouldn't want to let you down by living in the past, as you have done and regretted, because I know that you would never want that for me." At this point both ninja had tears streaming down their faces. Not Gai's waterfalls, but it was close. Yamato calmed himself with a few breaths and finished by saying "to answer the initial question, yes, I will consider moving in with you."

It took many more breaths, tight embraces, kisses, and a little more before the two men were ready to face their students as though today were just another day. But, eventually, they were prepared enough.

"Captain Yamato! You're never late!" came Naruto's frustrated cry, as the jounins came into view of the three younger shinobi.

"Sorry, guys, I found Kakashi on my way here and had to drag him; it took a little longer than expected."

"Yo," said Kakashi, with a little more feeling than he usually put behind it.

"So, what's the training today?" all three looked at the newcomers expectantly.

"Actually," started Kakashi, "I have something I kind of want to show you guys." He looked over their heads at Yamato, who responded with a look so filled with love and hope that it made Kakashi positive that this was the right move and the right time for it.

"What is it?! They all asked, Sai and Sakura excited in spite of themselves.

Kakashi took a deep breath and reached a hand up to his face. The three young shinobi froze in shock and anticipation. Kakashi slowly pulled down his mask and welcomed them all into his heart.

I think this is it, guys. Thanks for staying with me! I appreciate the reviews and have a feeling these two still have a few more stories to come out of me yet. But, this is all they have to say for now. I hope y'all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!


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